This Crazy House

New Kitchen Appliance and I am in love!

4:18 PM

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Life Happens and yes Coffee helps!

5:28 PM

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household chaos

Honesty and Craziness

11:39 AM

As I sit here writing this I'm looking back on the past 3 years of my life. It's been a whirl wind with lots of storms, heartache, trying to heal and sunny days mixed it in. I got this idea from Ugly Betty. I love that show, and I see myself in Betty Suarez's shoes a lot.

I'm going to start from 2015 and work my way to present. I'm guessing in a way that I am opening up, and it does frighten me a bit. I can say it's part of the healing process to get me where I am today and where I am going the future.

In 2015 my ex-husband filed for divorce. There were lots of issues in the marriage that I had no clue that was going on and somethings I knew that were going on. For the main issues I knew of what was happening it was scary, filled with fear and knew that going up against a military Veteran in Florida was next to impossible. The laws that are on the books for Florida concerning Domestic Violence they use against the victim. I had to go to a domestic shelter, then had to find somewhere to live with my son and I couldn't leave the state with my son. I had been told by a therapist there and the shelter that the abuse was escalating to the point that I can and most likely will end up dead.

In 2016 I had to go to my real Dad's house in North Carolina. I had to leave my son and that was used against me in court. I had no choice...I couldn't make enough money to afford even a 1 bedroom apartment. I'm not black or Hispanic enough to get state or county help in Florida. Which I did find weird since I'm native american. Yes, I was actually told this by the state agencies that were to help with housing, programs and more. I was helping my real dad since he had serious heart issues. I visited with a former friend for Christmas where I got a phone call that my father had died.

I rushed back to the house and then was met by police officers due to my half-sister filing a false report. I had to go through all my father's things. 60+ years of memories and his life in one house that was now empty. I then found out that my half-sister stole jewelry, cash and credit cards. I had to file a report for North Carolina to tell me that it's not their jurisdiction due to them being used in Virginia. Then began a long mess of calling the credit card companies to report the cards stolen, calling the state of Virginia to handle this mess. Eventually she was arrested and charged and got 2 years of jail, and yet this is not her first time getting arrested for credit card fraud. I also had to drive back and forth to Florida to represent myself...not realizing at that time that I had behavioral health issues that were caused by my ex-husband.

I was finally divorced and didn't have my son cos well again going up against a military veteran in Florida you will never win. My credit took a massive dump. My credit score has never been this low and now slowly I have to build it back up. You hear that divorce kills your credit score, but trying getting an abusive, narcissistic person it's worst.

Welcome to 2017...I had moved in with my best friend.I have known him for 8-9 years before. I tried looking for work with no avail. I'm either over qualified or under qualified. Over 200+ applications nothing. I even applied on USA Jobs and nothing. I had started therapy and in that time I was in therapy and diagnosed with Complex and causes known PTSD, Severe Anxiety and Severe panic. Which to me explained a lot of things I did and still do. I had another therapist tell me that my ex-husband is escalating to where if I didn't get out when I did he was going to kill me. No one and mean No One ever talks about what happens when a victim escapes their abuser and there is a child involved. The fear of them coming to get you, the panic attacks that happen when see someone who looks like them, you see their car and more. You are in a constant state of fear.

My roommate/ best friend worked at Marine Cherry Point Air Station. He use to be a SHARP Instructor and he worked with me an escape plan in case my ex-husband did come to North Carolina. How scary is it that you need an escape plan to be safe. It hits harder when you can't escape the nightmares, needing to know where all exits are, you can't go anywhere unless someone is with you or you time the trips when there is not a lot of people in the store. Sadly, your physically free but you're never really free.

In 2018 My roommate /best friend took a job in PA. He too was going through a divorce with a toxic person. What is it with toxic people? His divorce was final May 22, 2018. In that time we had vehicles repossessed, living paycheck to pay check. Working on rebuilding his credit, paying on lawyers, trying to get ahead and not quite getting there.

So we got him enrolled in a debt consolidation program to help with the debt issue. Which by the way in less than two years the majority of it was paid off. Some where in all this mess and my issues, my roommate asked me to marry him. I of course said yes, but kinda planned a wedding in writing only. Needless to say that didn't happen. We just went to a Justice of the Peace and got married. As he put it he was tired of waiting.

June 6, 2018 I remarried and so did he. I of course forgot the importance of June 6th for him as well as the military in a whole. June 6th is the day we stormed Normandy in WWII (who knew we get a history lesson in this mess?). Jokingly I asked does it make a war bride?

I can say that this is one of the sunny days in life. I was so happy to be married to my best friend. Who sees past all the trauma and broken edges. Is usually there for the good days and very dark days when PTSD loves to rip it's ugly head. But sadly all this happiness would be put on hold. In November of this year he took a job that has him in another country. I'm here waiting while dealing with everything...alone.

So we are in 2019 and yet he's still at work in another country, only communication is Facebook Messenger or FB Messenger audio call. We are both still in litigation and working on debt and I am still here alone. Working on so many irons in a pot that are taking forever to get pulled out. Murphy's law must love me, between car issues/medical and more issues; I just keep pushing and falling on my ass over and over again. I hope that next year will be better, as know we aren't even half way through this year.

I will try my best to update this blog. I may share more and I hope actually relevant content on this blog.

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ideas

Self-Care

9:52 AM

Every Saturday I do a live video in a group that my friend runs on Facebook called slaying away. I touch on all the different types of self care and give suggestions. In some ways it's nerve wracking, and yet informative about the topic of self-care.

I'm sure that your hearing self-care all over the place, mentioned on YouTube makeup tutorials or even by Makeup artists and enthusiasts. There is also a misunderstanding about what self-care is and isn't. Many therapist agree that it's very important part of healing and a healthy way of building up healthy coping mechanisms for anxiety/depression/as well as a host of mental and behavioral health diagnosis.

Let's get into what self-care is shall we? Self care in essence is the mindful taking time to pay attention to YOU, not in a narcissistic way, but in a way that ensures that you are being cared for by you. Self-care is way to avoid burnout, helps with managing stress and living your best life.

Let's look into what is covered in self-care. There are several areas of what encompasses self-care. Not every area is going to work or need to be focused on by you. The first thing that one needs to remember about self care is that there is no cookie cutter style or suggestions that will work for you or myself. So let's jump into the several areas.

Emotional: Mental and emotional self-care practices (we will get into that later) that maintain your mental strength and emotional health. Learning to be more accepting, kind, and forgiving of yourself can reduce stress and anxiety.

Physical: Physical self-care involves activities that improve your physical health, including diet and exercise. Moving your body is important, whether it is through structured sport or exercise, or through entertainment like dancing or going on a hike. Feed your body healthy foods with high nutritional value on a daily basis, and get plenty of sleep. Go to the doctor when you are sick, and get rest when you need it.

Spiritual: Spiritual self-care involves practices that exercise your mind and soul. Some activities that may contribute to your spiritual self-care include: prayer, meditation, attending services with like-minded others, self-exploration and clarifying your values and priorities, reading literature and initiating meaningful discussions with others, finding a way to contribute to the well-being of others.

Social: Activities that nurtures and deepens the relationships with people in your life. This where both people benefit, and the relationship is healthy. It helps you to understand that you’re not alone. Plus, it can also give us a sense of being fully “seen” by others. This can, in particular, help us combat loneliness and isolation.

Environmental: The environmental aspect of self-care means acknowledging what aspects of the environment are meaningful to you. Take care of your personal space- Having a comfortable and organized environment can make us feel less stressed and happier. It helps in reducing anxiety and making us feel more in control of our environment and life.

Professional/ occupational: Occupations are not restricted to your career after college; they can include all of the activities you partake in right now. Involves sharing your strengths and gifts, having clear professional boundaries, whilst living your purpose.

Intellectual/Psychological: Involves learning new things, applying consequential thinking, practicing mindfulness.This is one of the most neglected areas of self-care that most people are lacking engagement in.

If you google self-care techniques, go on Pinterest as well you maybe overwhelmed by the massive amount of tips, tricks and suggestions. These are ideas, you don't have to do them all. Remember no two people are alike and not all these suggestions and tips will work for you. Try a few see if they work if not then you know what it's ok. Your trying and this is all that matters. I would suggest creating a self-care journal to track which methods worked and which didn't so you can create your own self-care plan.

I do hope that is blog post was helpful and informative in the importance of self-care to help you become the best you for you.