As I sit here writing this I'm looking back on the past 3 years of my life. It's been a whirl wind with lots of storms, heartache, trying to heal and sunny days mixed it in. I got this idea from Ugly Betty. I love that show, and I see myself in Betty Suarez's shoes a lot.
I'm going to start from 2015 and work my way to present. I'm guessing in a way that I am opening up, and it does frighten me a bit. I can say it's part of the healing process to get me where I am today and where I am going the future.
In 2015 my ex-husband filed for divorce. There were lots of issues in the marriage that I had no clue that was going on and somethings I knew that were going on. For the main issues I knew of what was happening it was scary, filled with fear and knew that going up against a military Veteran in Florida was next to impossible. The laws that are on the books for Florida concerning Domestic Violence they use against the victim. I had to go to a domestic shelter, then had to find somewhere to live with my son and I couldn't leave the state with my son. I had been told by a therapist there and the shelter that the abuse was escalating to the point that I can and most likely will end up dead.
In 2016 I had to go to my real Dad's house in North Carolina. I had to leave my son and that was used against me in court. I had no choice...I couldn't make enough money to afford even a 1 bedroom apartment. I'm not black or Hispanic enough to get state or county help in Florida. Which I did find weird since I'm native american. Yes, I was actually told this by the state agencies that were to help with housing, programs and more. I was helping my real dad since he had serious heart issues. I visited with a former friend for Christmas where I got a phone call that my father had died.
I rushed back to the house and then was met by police officers due to my half-sister filing a false report. I had to go through all my father's things. 60+ years of memories and his life in one house that was now empty. I then found out that my half-sister stole jewelry, cash and credit cards. I had to file a report for North Carolina to tell me that it's not their jurisdiction due to them being used in Virginia. Then began a long mess of calling the credit card companies to report the cards stolen, calling the state of Virginia to handle this mess. Eventually she was arrested and charged and got 2 years of jail, and yet this is not her first time getting arrested for credit card fraud. I also had to drive back and forth to Florida to represent myself...not realizing at that time that I had behavioral health issues that were caused by my ex-husband.
I was finally divorced and didn't have my son cos well again going up against a military veteran in Florida you will never win. My credit took a massive dump. My credit score has never been this low and now slowly I have to build it back up. You hear that divorce kills your credit score, but trying getting an abusive, narcissistic person it's worst.
Welcome to 2017...I had moved in with my best friend.I have known him for 8-9 years before. I tried looking for work with no avail. I'm either over qualified or under qualified. Over 200+ applications nothing. I even applied on USA Jobs and nothing. I had started therapy and in that time I was in therapy and diagnosed with Complex and causes known PTSD, Severe Anxiety and Severe panic. Which to me explained a lot of things I did and still do. I had another therapist tell me that my ex-husband is escalating to where if I didn't get out when I did he was going to kill me. No one and mean No One ever talks about what happens when a victim escapes their abuser and there is a child involved. The fear of them coming to get you, the panic attacks that happen when see someone who looks like them, you see their car and more. You are in a constant state of fear.
My roommate/ best friend worked at Marine Cherry Point Air Station. He use to be a SHARP Instructor and he worked with me an escape plan in case my ex-husband did come to North Carolina. How scary is it that you need an escape plan to be safe. It hits harder when you can't escape the nightmares, needing to know where all exits are, you can't go anywhere unless someone is with you or you time the trips when there is not a lot of people in the store. Sadly, your physically free but you're never really free.
In 2018 My roommate /best friend took a job in PA. He too was going through a divorce with a toxic person. What is it with toxic people? His divorce was final May 22, 2018. In that time we had vehicles repossessed, living paycheck to pay check. Working on rebuilding his credit, paying on lawyers, trying to get ahead and not quite getting there.
So we got him enrolled in a debt consolidation program to help with the debt issue. Which by the way in less than two years the majority of it was paid off. Some where in all this mess and my issues, my roommate asked me to marry him. I of course said yes, but kinda planned a wedding in writing only. Needless to say that didn't happen. We just went to a Justice of the Peace and got married. As he put it he was tired of waiting.
June 6, 2018 I remarried and so did he. I of course forgot the importance of June 6th for him as well as the military in a whole. June 6th is the day we stormed Normandy in WWII (who knew we get a history lesson in this mess?). Jokingly I asked does it make a war bride?
I can say that this is one of the sunny days in life. I was so happy to be married to my best friend. Who sees past all the trauma and broken edges. Is usually there for the good days and very dark days when PTSD loves to rip it's ugly head. But sadly all this happiness would be put on hold. In November of this year he took a job that has him in another country. I'm here waiting while dealing with everything...alone.
So we are in 2019 and yet he's still at work in another country, only communication is Facebook Messenger or FB Messenger audio call. We are both still in litigation and working on debt and I am still here alone. Working on so many irons in a pot that are taking forever to get pulled out. Murphy's law must love me, between car issues/medical and more issues; I just keep pushing and falling on my ass over and over again. I hope that next year will be better, as know we aren't even half way through this year.
I will try my best to update this blog. I may share more and I hope actually relevant content on this blog.